May 2013
2 posts
4 tags
An Amy's Baking Company Poem
these reviewers these BLOGGERS everything i have is going back where it belongs and that’s it. it’s not all daisies and ponies and unicorns.
don’t come back, madame. you just keep walking if you came to eat to enjoy than you should know what you like to eat.
laptop-charger asked: wait a minute i heard u made a book or something like that pls tell me more
April 2013
4 posts
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
medium rare, it’s not. medium well? on the verge of well done. oh GOD it’s so annoying thank you goodbye
3 tags
butimyouronlyfriend asked: Are you going to ship internationally? I NEED THAT BOOK
2 tags
March 2013
3 posts
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
This is the dream sauce what are those crumbs under there? why is everything so dirty here? there’s crap everywhere i mean just crumbs and hairs like congealed snot
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
are you that stupid?
nothing
no ones talking
no ones saying anything
this fish right here
what’s it for?
this is carnage.
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
no wonder your hair’s sticking up
it’s not even warm
it’s raw
February 2013
1 post
BOOK.
BOOK. WORKIN ON IT. ALSO I GOT MARRIED. THAT WAS TIME CONSUMING. BUT BOOK. THERE WILL BE A BOOK. IT’S COMING I PROMISE.
December 2012
4 posts
Oceans of Risotto
You, you
This fucking risotto
Is so fucking soggy
I could swim in it
Fuck off.
libby-on-the-label asked: THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUSL IEM CRY8ING YOUR A GGENIUSA I CANT HW AHAHO;IGVAKJBGVIU;OANAKLSJDNHF DHELP AI ACANT BREAITHEE ITHS THE UCKING RISOTTOA AANGARINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
bisondefender asked: you still taking art submissions for the book?
fucking hell. your fucking mushrooms. they look like tadpoles on viagra.
November 2012
4 posts
2 tags
calmandsherlocked asked: Is there a deadline to send you the pictures by?
3 tags
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
he just dropped the chicken on the floor and put it back in the pan this one here you guys (you guys) look like a bunch of fucking idiots
October 2012
1 post
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
you youyou,you you you c’mere, you what do you think you’re doing you.
September 2012
2 posts
comedown asked: are we gonna see any hotel hell poems?
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
Where are we going?
Where are we going with this?
Are we going deep south?
Exactly 60 minutes to go.
August 2012
2 posts
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
Both of you are out of control!
This helicopter ride is out of control!
This risotto is shit
and out of control!
Donkeys!
carryonwaywardfeels asked: NO WHY DID YOU STOP
June 2012
6 posts
A Portrait Of Gordon Ramsay With A Pancake On His...
Whipping the souls of those your churn
Perfection of the table
Those who would order badly
Serve yourself to the alley cats
Ye, Poseidon, the feast is above you.
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
How long?
How long must I wait
for you
to give me
these wellingtons that look like my dead grandmothers arse.
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
Sweet dreams, now fuck off.
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
Who put that on there?
was it a fucking ghost?
Listen to my
eyes: Where’s the fucking tuna?
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay poem
All of your risottos
are the worst risottos
I’ve ever met.
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
I’m sure that Chris prays that he never sees another scallop.
And after tonight
I pray I don’t see anymore
of him.
April 2012
3 posts
lobsterclub asked: how's your wife?
iwillnotlie asked: I love your blog more than I love my mom.
Gordon Ramsay Poetry
Good Luck
I have never, ever, ever, ever met someone I believe in as little as you.
March 2012
6 posts
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
it’s like eating the inside of a golf ball it’s like eating caca that was hideous
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
I feel like I’ve just given birth
What a disgusting combination
Get your head out of your ass
taste this
Taste the blandness
How Dare You
Excuse me madame…
Taste this.
What’s it missing?
SALT
There’s no seasoning
On the risotto
So much talent
WASTED
Get back to your station.
Quit crying and focus.
YOU’RE KIDDING ME.
Taste this!
What did you forget?
SALT
How dare you…
Clean Your Fucking Refrigerator (A Haiku Set)
Oh my fucking god
Last time you cleaned your fucking
Refrigerator?
Are you honestly
Going to try to serve me food
Out of that damn thing?
stupid cows
ramsay turns
expecting scallops
it’s raw
IT’S RAW
stupid cows
We’re sinking like the Titanic in here
Stop
you have given up
have some fire in your belly
You say all the right things
now it’s time to do the right things
February 2012
29 posts
The John Dory is Missing
where’s the John Dory?
don’t run away, don’t run away
IT’S BLACK!
useless.
you’re not a cooking teacher, are you?
hey madame,
IT’S BLACK
hey madame,
GET OUT.
Here is a video to accompany it
http://www.youtube.com/embed/RGzIR9njBMg
My Ramsay submission (i love your blog!)
C’mon big boy
I havn’t given up on you yet
Can I just get
A fucking Wellington
What is that?
What is that?
Cooked to fuck
I’ve given up
A Gordon Ramsey Haiku...
“Where’s the Wellington?!” Rookie chef presents platter: “It’s RAW you donkey!”
1 tag
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
Oh my GOD
the risotto
The scallops
It’s crap.
CRAP.
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
Holy mackerel
It’s dry, the skin peels away from me
I’m amazed you’re still open
I feel like I’m on the Titanic
I’ve never seen anything so backwards
1 tag
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
The chicken is as pink as your fucking lipstick,
Are you upset now because your crap?
Get out
Get out!
Stupid cows!
2 tags
Rubbery
Bland
Just a mess on a plate.
My mum flew half way around the world to taste this shit.
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
Can we get fucking serious for a second?
A chicken nugget
slider
Deep fried
scares the shit out of me
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
You’re like half dead,
Where’s the energy gone?
You’ve lost your mind
Just three minutes to go.
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay poem
I give you every tool known to man
to make you shine.
I want you to fucking shine
I really do.
I feel like giving up,
I feel like giving up.
2 tags
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
A stunning
ravioli.
It has that wow factor.
Holy crap, holy crap.
Holy crap.
The scallops.
The FUCKING risotto.
