HEY YOU BLAND PILES OF RUBBISH

can you draw? are you good at drawing? are you ACTUALLY good at drawing? 
Are you good at drawing Gordon Ramsay being really pissed off and looking ridiculous? 
I’m currently designing You Donkey: A Book of Gordon Ramsay Poems and I can’t draw for shit. I need illustrations! 
Submit your drawings and you’ll be in the book. You’ll be credited, it’ll be IN the book*, and you’ll get a free copy. I’ll also throw in a candy bar or something. 
Send your shit to gordonramsaypoetry@gmail.com


*it’s not a promise, if you send me a smiley face with a frown and a talk bubble that says “fook off” I will obviously not put it in the book.

HEY YOU BLAND PILES OF RUBBISH

can you draw? are you good at drawing? are you ACTUALLY good at drawing? 

Are you good at drawing Gordon Ramsay being really pissed off and looking ridiculous? 

I’m currently designing You Donkey: A Book of Gordon Ramsay Poems and I can’t draw for shit. I need illustrations! 

Submit your drawings and you’ll be in the book. You’ll be credited, it’ll be IN the book*, and you’ll get a free copy. I’ll also throw in a candy bar or something. 

Send your shit to gordonramsaypoetry@gmail.com

*it’s not a promise, if you send me a smiley face with a frown and a talk bubble that says “fook off” I will obviously not put it in the book.

A Gordon Ramsay Poem

Both of you are out of control!
This helicopter ride is out of control!
This risotto is shit
and out of control!
Donkeys!

Rubbery
Bland
Just a mess on a plate.
My mum flew half way around the world to taste this shit.

A Gordon Ramsay Poem

Can we get fucking serious for a second?
A chicken nugget
slider
Deep fried
scares the shit out of me

A Gordon Ramsay Poem

You’re like half dead,
Where’s the energy gone?
You’ve lost your mind
Just three minutes to go.

A Gordon Ramsay poem

I give you every tool known to man
to make you shine.
I want you to fucking shine
I really do.
I feel like giving up,
I feel like giving up.

A Gordon Ramsay Poem

A stunning
ravioli.
It has that wow factor.
Holy crap, holy crap.
Holy crap.
The scallops.
The FUCKING risotto.

A Gordon Ramsay poem

Seasoning
Not for faint hearted.
Step up to the plate,
and JUMP to the next opportunity.
Are you allergic to flavor?

A Gordon Ramsay Poem

Bread’s dreadful
Wet chewy dough, damn.
Wowwowwowwow.
Strands of mozzerella.

It’s soaking wet
It’s bland
and it’s a thousand miles away from anything called focaccia
let me tell you

you’re an airhead
who’s got her head stuck in the clouds.
this is business.